dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
