im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
