ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
