Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
