No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
