a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
