Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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