I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
