Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
