you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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