he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
