Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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