Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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