yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
