I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
