my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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