She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
