Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
