You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
