She's JV to your varsity
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
