I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
