i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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