Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
