Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
