Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
