i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You can't motorboat a personality
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize