vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
