You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
