I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
