he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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