Already got asked if we're dating
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize