we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
