you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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