she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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