my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
