Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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