Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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