They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
