she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We got so high we made milksteak
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize