I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
