I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
