and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
