Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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