Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
