He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
