im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
