Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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