no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
