My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
