i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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