We're facebook friends in real life
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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