1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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