you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
