I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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