In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
