That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
