I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
