Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
