Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize