Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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