he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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