she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
