no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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