How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
