i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
