If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
