this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
