I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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