lets start a swedish sibling band together
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
