I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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