im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
