Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
