so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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