And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
