I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
