i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
