you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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