I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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