i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize