people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
