She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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