you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
