i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
