No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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