You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We're too hungover to prance.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
