Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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