the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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