Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
