Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
