What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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