So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
