no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
where does the pee come out of this thing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
