Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
