Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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