So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize