he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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